I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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