So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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