It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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