Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
