We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
