i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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