the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
