I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
