I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
