Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
