Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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