No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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