I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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