i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
