mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have post one night stand depression
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
