So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
