i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Randomize
