Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
