its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
