Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
