Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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