Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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