I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
