Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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