it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
