Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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