I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
