She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
