I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
