yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
