Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
