answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
