I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
