Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
