Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
