Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
