I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
