too bad you live with your parents still
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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