you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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