I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
