I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
