You can't motorboat a personality
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
