So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
