He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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