youre lurking in front of me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
