i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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