it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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