you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
