He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
