Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
