I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
